The erudite and scholarly Joe Harrop, in his recent DN column, wrote “I wonder…”

“Wonder” seems speculative.  I believe he meant “ponder” rather than “wonder”. He pondered City Council wisdom, the City Manager’s attention span, the plethora of applicants for Council seats, the labeling of our community, our Governor, Meg Whitman, the demise of car dealers, the McGlynn pool, KBLF and other subjects ripe for musing

I could address all the above subjects, which would serve to either calm his fears or reinforce his concept that we are lacking leadership around town…and around the State as well. But one subject hit home to me…and that is of the current City Manager.

Early on, I was cautioned by a friend that Mr. Nichols might not have had a thorough back ground check when hired by the Red Bluff City Council. While my friend was serving as a  department head in Butte County, he felt that Mr. Nichols wasn’t doing his homework and exercising his vigilance as County Manager. My informant assumed our Council had “vetted him” before his hiring…but hinted that some “positive” reports of his tenure might have been an attempt to see that he hired on some place other than in their County.

Moving on, I did some wondering of my own.

I wonder at the trials and errors of the very young as they struggle to walk, to talk and learn what is good and what is bad.

I wonder why, after years in the slaughter house business, I refrain from killing all animals, but will swat a mosquito and eat a steak without a second thought.

I wonder what would have happened if, after Infantry OCS, I had gone into combat in Korea rather than the safety of the Medical Field Service Corps in Alaska.

And I wonder how I could have managed to live such a splendid life after all my early missteps and mistakes.

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Cousin Bill from far away Burlingame, noted the crossbreeding of show dogs to produce  new breeds, such as mating a cocker spaniel and a poodle to produce a cockapoo…and other exotic breeds such as goldendoodle, labradoodle or even maltipoo. Therefore he proposes a cockadoodle poo as another breed. Anyhow, that’s what he thinks and he has vigorously implored me to inform my readers of his insight. Sigh.

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It was good thinking for the DN to produce the “Pages of History “insert last Friday. By including pages pulled from the Daily News, The People’s Cause and the Evening Sentinel over the past 125 years, readers were able to hearken back to a time when life played out at a slower pace. Good show.

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Police logs booked one Jacob Dylan Cozine for something or other. But, as is happening a lot these days, they discovered he also went by an alias; “Chicken Nuggets”. How does a guy get a name like that? Does he like Chicken Nuggets or does he just look like one? I shall wonder and ponder about that even if no one else does.

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J. Angelo informs us that “Paraprosdokian” sentences are those in which the first part has one meaning…and the second part gives the phrase a whole different meaning. For example:

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

War does not determine who is right…only who is left.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

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An old man went into the hospital for the first time in his life. Toying with the bell cord which had been fastened to his bed, he asked his son, “What’s this thing?”

“It’s a bell.”

The old man pulled several times and said, “I can’t hear it ringing!”

“NO”, the son explained, “It doesn’t ring. It turns on a light in the hall for the nurse.”

The old man was indignant. “If the nurse wants a light on in the hall, she can damn well turn it on herself!”

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Jean Barton is a prolific reporter of Tehama County lore, and her column bears no name other than her own. I guess she has been writing of cattle and county for so long she no longer needs a title. Anyhow, she wrote last week of attending a meeting titled “A Look at Tehama County through the Eyes of Our Visitors”, and the event was an eye opener indeed. It was delivered by Roger Brooks of Destination Development International. I was too busy or too lazy to attend, but, in a nutshell, Brooks says we should be exploiting what the good life in Tehama County is all about and we should do this to cause the 27 million people who drive through our county ever year, stop and smell our roses. I won’t go into depth as did Jean, but read her column and see for yourself. We have items of interest in our area, and all we have to do is get them in brochures and into the hands of people passing by our portals. That is, if we want to attract visitors, with money, to leave some behind when they exit. Seems like the thing to do…to fill our coffers without having increasing our population. After all, we are, in essence, small town America…and that’s the way we like it.

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Baseball is the national pastime, though many sport enthusiasts will tout the virtues of football and soccer. What baseball offers is the thrill of athletic achievement within the confines of a mostly leisurely devotion to the structure of the game. It is also a game easily learned by the young without fear of serious injury. But you know all of that.

I mention this sport, because I came to it late. The missus is a fan, and if I wanted to be in close proximity to her in the evenings and on the weekends, I had to take a seat on her sofa and see what it was all about. One of my favorite writers, George Will, is a student of the game…and if he finds it stimulating, then so should I. In the process, wondered about the key to any game. Was it the hitting…or the pitching? I learned, last Sunday, it is the pitching.

The Ess Eff Giants were winding up their road trip and playing the St. Louis Cardinals in a crucial final game. Except for two hits by one of the Giants, their pitcher, Garcia, pitched a 10 to nothing shut out and silenced our big bats. It was no contest. They knocked our starting pitcher out of the box and coasted to a win. The fact that the next day, at home, we walloped the Cincinnati Reds by a similar score, proved the point: their starting pitcher was pathetic…and the Giants hit at will. Their pitcher made our hitters look like Barry Bonds clones. Ergo, pitching is the name of the game. End of story.

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The government takeover of Butte County Bank was a sobering reminder that the economy is still in the recession and, to quote the familiar cliché, things will get worse before they get better. Of course that’s what the Republicans require in order to take back control of Congress. If so, it will be a

heavy price to pay, which reminds me of two recent DN columns. The one by Don Polson which touted the Reagan years…and the one by ex educator Joe Harrop bemoaning the state of our legislature.

Don promotes the resurgence of conservative thought via Tea Parties and the like and writes of the good times under President Reagan. He maintains any negative results were because the Democrats reneged on their promise to cut spending. A vocal critic of Don’s, a retired physicians, says that Reagan created the current great national debt via unbridled military spending and other nefarious deeds. The point is that, via this recession, both parties’ oxen are being gored…and the finger pointing continues. Keep all this in mind when reading Joe Harrop’s column last Saturday in which he writes, in essence, the inability of Congress to act…is not worth the powder to blow them to hell. They are all a bunch of rascals and incapable of fiscal responsibility. Of any responsibility. Tsk, tsk.

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Speaking of our local paper, it has dawned on me that rather than denigrate its lack of substance and editorial leadership, we should, as Shakespeare wrote of Mark Anthony, we should praise rather than censure their efforts. In this manner, other newspapers in faraway places, may heed the resumes undoubtedly sent out by the DN editor, and hire him away from us here in river city. In that manner, we may once again have a kindly thoughtful and insightful editor who will recognize the wisdom of bringing back a former columnist who will revitalize the ailing daily. Surely one will come to mind….cough, cough.

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Worth repeating: Mrs. Smith needed a lawyer. She looked through the yellow pages and chose the firm or Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz. She dialed and said, “Is Mr. Schwartz there?”

A man replied, “No, he is out playing golf.”

Mrs. . Smith said, “Well, then can I speak to Mr. Schwartz?’

Again the man replied, “No, he’s no longer with the firm.”

Mrs. Smith said, “In that case, may I speak to Mr. Schwartz?”

“I’m sorry, madam, but he is away in Detroit on business.”

“I see…well, then may I speak to Mr. Schwartz?”

“Speaking.”

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In a recent effort, I wrote of animal intelligence…in particular, the great apes and their communicative abilities. Elderly Little Bert, our 17 pound Pomeranian, does not look remotely like a great ape, yet he communicates in a variety of ways. Sometimes, in the company of big Murray Clyde, he will engage in topics of the day, but most of the time, he is a silent companion who lets us know what he wants and when he wants it. His latest request, unfortunately, we must deny. He wants to see his girlfriend. However, she has demised and can no longer be an object of his affection.

He considered Calle, a black female Labrador, his girlfriend, even though, as girlfriends are wont to do, she did not reciprocate. She lived in the Woodside area south of Ess Eff, but visited the ranch quite often in the company of our daughter and son-in-law. Anyhow, Bert had a crush on her, and was often perplexed that one day she would be at the ranch, and the next she would not. He could not comprehend that she had a primary residence in the bay area, so this resulted in a reoccurring behavior on his part.

When I arise in the morning, I switch on a light, locate Bert asleep on his sheepskin pillow…we call it his “baa baa” for obvious reasons, and with hand signals (he is quite deaf) indicate that it is time for him to go outside to do his thing. However, before we go out the logical door, he takes a scenic route to another door where, in the past, he has found his girlfriend taking her beauty sleep. When opening said door, and proving to him that she is not there, then, and only then, will he agree to the alternate patio lawn. This behavior has continued long after his lady friend went to her reward, but I put up with it because I don’t have the heart to tell him otherwise. But knowing Little Bert, he would probably not believe me that she will no longer be available as his love interest. Come to think of it, that’s the way humans react as well. Perhaps we are all in denial when it comes to matters of the heart.

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Daughter Melody has a professional friend in the Marin area whom she visits from time to time. They have become close friends because of their mutual interest in jogging and fitness. However, the other day the topic was children and peer pressure. Meg, Melody’s friend, has three sons, and the oldest, a year ago, began hanging out with the son of a movie actor…said actor living next door to Meg, in Marin. Meg began to realize that the actor’s son was a bad influence for her son…a lifestyle of the rich where apparently anything goes, to put it mildly. To cut to the chase, Meg told her son he was in bad company and finally shipped him out to a school in Utah where the environment was decidedly different. After a couple of false starts, he began to acclimate, and now professes to have no more interest in his old Marin buddies nor their way of life. Meg, therefore, believes she rescued the kid in the nick of time. Once, during her sons

sojourn to Utah, she encountered her next door neighbor, the actor, and told him of her decision. To her surprise, the actor agreed that it was the thing to do…that he had not been a good role model for his own son. The actor? Sean Penn.

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In publishing the names and the salaries of local officials, the DN may have opened up can of worms. When years ago we envisioned those who worked for the county as merely some fellows who leaned on their shovels a good part of the day, we now realize that some City and County positions pay rather well…and, when the local economy is less than robust, we might feel those, at the public trough, have it pretty good…too good, in fact. But we must remember we nurtured today’s salaries when times were good and City Council and County of Supervisors may have been asleep at the switch…or, more likely, coerced by unions. However, this would not be the time to try to drastically reverse the trend by reducing all salaries to the minimum wage. In so doing, we might lose some valuable City and County employees. On the other hand, their volunteering for pay reduction might be viewed with appreciation. At least until the economy improves. It will improve, won’t it?

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In his ‘The Way I See It” column of the 16^th, Don Polson used a nice analogy. He compared the plan to build a “Ground Zero Mosque” in New York as to the mounting of a Japanese Cultural Museum near the USS Arizona Memorial in Hawaii. However, he wrote,”…many of us are really getting resentful and starting to hate having our devotion to the civilization -sustaining institution of traditional marriage being mischaracterized as such.” Don, be that as it may, our civilization is overburdened with people! We have too many people copulating within “traditional marriage”. We need less civilization rather than more.

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Bud Black manager of the San Diego Padres, did not endear himself to S. F. Giants fans by saying, “They (the Giants) are not going anywhere.” This was probably in response to our Giants pitcher who predicted a sweep of the Padres in last weekend’s games. Tsk, tsk.

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Mark yourself a Type A (hyper) person if you find automatic doors not opening fast enough…and ripping a new band aid apart without fiddling with the little tabs at the top.

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A grasshopper walked into a bar. The bartender said, “Say, we’ve got a drink named after you!” The grasshopper replied, “You’ve got a drink named Edgar?”

A rabbi, a priest and a bishop walked into a bar. The bartender said, “What is this, a joke?”

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Gluttons for Punishment Department:

8 people have filed for positions on the Red Bluff City Council. What are they thinking of? It is a thankless job and pays very little…however medical benefits are included which may be reason enough to run for this office. The incumbents, Brown, Byrne and Moyer have apparently not learned their lesson and have their hat in the ring. Larry Stevens, a former Councilman, should know better. Also in the running are Daniele Jackson, Rob Schmid, Joe Durrer and Tim Morehouse. Durrer, of course, is the most interesting candidate because of his ties to the Minch clan. He is a fifth generation Red Bluff resident on the Durrer side and a fourth generation resident on the Minch side…the more interesting of the two sides of this old coin. He says, “We need to make our city more attractive for potential business.” He also adds, “I come from a very opinionated family. Anyone who questions whether or not I have an opinion, has not had to survive through a family dinner.”

I cannot attest to the family dinner bit, but I do know that when Joe has been to our house for dinner, he has been very circumspect and polite. He has gentlemanly manner and a taciturn deportment. I think that will serve him well on the Council.

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The Bonobo is the smallest but perhaps the smartest member of the ape family, and said to be most like his human cousins. TIME recently had an article on these animals think and communicate…and on the PBS Charlie Rose TV program, an author of a book on the subject told of the clever means of communication recently devised for man to beast link up. For example, a large plastic screen was constructed with hundreds of icons on its surface.  Ape subjects are able to touch the icons to tell lab workers what they want, such as food, or even if they just want to “chat” with humans.  One ape response was particularly human like. The author was allowed to play a game with the animal, but it took him a rather long time to master the board. When the growingly impatient ape was asked if he was ready to play the game, he replied, via the icons, “More than ready!” That cracks me up.

As a sidebar to this experience, do you suppose the current City Manager might profit by having such an icon filled board in order to more fully communicate with the City Council regarding budget shortfall estimates?

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The Honorable Clifford Larimer of Montgomery, Texas, thanks me for informing his fans and critics of his whereabouts via the internet, but says I had the address incorrect. If you must communicate with him and or Betsy, try cliff.larimer@yahoo.com .

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Herb Caen wrote, in 1979, following the Dan White verdict in the Harvey Milk murder, “‘Diminished capacity’ is on everybody’s mind. Here is a test devised by a professor at Trinity University in Texas. If one agrees with the following statements, he or she may be diagnosed as having Diminished Capacity: 1) I can’t unclasp my hands. 2) I always lick the front of postage stamps. 3) My throat is closer than it seems. 4) Most things are better eaten than forgotten. 5) No napkin is sanitary enough for me. 6) People tell me I am deaf. 7) I can find my ears but I have to look for them. Armenians are comical in full dress. 9) I don’t like any of my loved ones. 10) I’ve never liked room temperature.”

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A woman found that her dog, a Schnauzer,  was hard of hearing, so she took it to the veterinarian. The Vet said the problem was too much hair in the dogs ears, so he cleaned them and told her that if she wanted to avoid this problem in the future, she should get some “Nair” hair remover and rub it in the dogs ears once a month.

The lady went to the druggist and bought some Nair. The pharmacist told her, “If you are going to use this under your arms, don’t use a deodorant for a few days.”

The lady said, “I’m not going to use it under my arms.”

The druggist said, “Well, if you are going to use this on your legs, don’t shave them for a couple of days.”

The lady replied, “I’m not using it on my legs, either. If you must know, I’m going to use it on my Schnauzer.”

The druggist said, “Well, in that case, stay off your bicycle for about a week.”

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We heard from Cliff Larimer a few days ago. You remember Clifford, don’t you? He is the chap who worked at the Daily News as beat reporter and columnist off and on for years? Wrote under the byline “The Benchwarmer” when he was covering sports, and most recently “The Word Merchant? Sure you do. Anyway, after a torturous 2 years in the wilds of North Dakota as editor and publisher of a weekly, where he refused to bow to advertiser pressure as instructed by the Oregon owner of the paper, he was fired and hung around Bowman Striking out against local corruption until finally suffering a stroke which somewhat dampened his enthusiasm for North Dakota amenities.

He and wife Betsy report that they took a 1,420 trip to Texas to be near their daughter…and are now receiving mail and homage at 16955 Hope Rd. Montgomery, TX77316. His cell is 701 440 8858; her cell is 701 590 4301. Their new e mail is betsycliff.larimer@gmail.com. Montgomery has a population of 439, so it is cozy, like Red Bluff.

They live on a 20 acre spread with horses and dogs and cats which is at the northern edge of Houston…and he wants you to know that he is 3 miles from a Wal-Mart…and bored. He is back to work on a re-write of his book but then isn’t everyone? Next thing you know he will be scheduling book signings. As we cannot get away to Montgomery, we shall have to buy his book via parcel post until it comes out on a Kindle, whatever that is.

I believe they would like to hear from those who once enjoyed his columns if not his company. Betsy and Cliff are good folks who have not been treated kindly by the fates. Accolades to a good writer is the least we can do. The most we can do is send money…but then times are tough and charity begins at home.

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Informed that Arla Farmer had gone to her reward at 92, reminds us that old realtors never die…they just fade away. Well, that’s not true because she did demise, but she had hung up her shingle and moved to the Sacramento area some time ago…shortly after her husband Zack died.

She was well versed in local history, wrote several books on the subject and I occasionally would have her check out my remembrance for corrections or omissions. She may have been active in real estate longer than any other agent but perhaps that will come out in her obituary. However, my fondest memory of Arla had to do with ice cream. She and Zack chose Wednesday afternoons at Baskin Robbins for their weekly enjoyment…and it just so happened that Wednesday was my day for chocolate milkshake indulgence. They would sit and I would stand and we would talk about the current editor of the DN and what a scoundrel he was for editing me out of the paper. Unfortunately, Arla left town whereas the editor did not. However, we have our memories of this sweet old girl. Ironically, she died on her favorite day,  Wednesday, a week ago.

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Headline in DN: “MURRAY SPLITS FROM COACH MACLAGAN”.  I checked with Murray Clyde, but he professes no knowledge of the breach. He said whoever this fellow was, he, Murray, had no issue with him. As far as he knew, Maclagan went of his own accord. I did some checking, and found that the “Murray” in the article is the current number one tennis player in England, Andy Murray! Either way, Murray Clyde says it was much ado about nothing.

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You may recall we are suspending the quiz for the hot summer months, which will allow readers to direct their answers to the City Council as to how to close the City deficit. That the Council may not respond…I could not possibly comment.

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Quotes to mull: “A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday, but never remembers her age”. Robert Frost. “God heals and the doctor takes the fee.” Benjamin Franklin. “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” Erma Bombeck.

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From TIME in an article about birth control pills: “The ability to control human reproduction has done more to reorder human life than any event since Adam and Eve ate the apple.”

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An old woman from the country was visiting a big city for the first time. She checked in at a fancy hotel and let the bellboy take her bags. She followed him, but as the door closed, her face fell.

“Young man,” she said angrily, I may be old and straight from the hills, but I ain’t stupid. I paid good money for this room and it won’t do at all! It’s too small, and there’s no proper ventilation. Why, there’s not even a bed!”

“Ma’am,” replied the bellman, “this isn’t your room. It’s the elevator.”

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Administrators and teachers are concerned with the dwindling money available for education, forcing layoffs and curtailment of long established and cherished subjects to be taught to often indifferent students. With little background in curriculum selection I shall offer readers the benefit of my long life of observation…and suggest a bare bones approach to the education of youths. I was one once, and know now what I should have been studying then.

Reading skills must be taught. That is the first step to knowledge. Those who cannot read will be consigned to a lifetime of leaf blowing.

Students should learn to communicate coherently and legibly. In my day those who took typing from Mrs. Adams learned a skill producing lifetime benefits. There is little misunderstanding when type is set to page. Today, of course, students must be computer literate and be keyboard facile.

Shop and Auto Mechanics. Boys and girls should have this background, for, in later life, their autos will break down. For the simple servicing they will be able to replace air filters and change their oil if they choose. For major auto repair, their classes in Auto Mechanics will have prepared them for dealing with dealers when invoices appear to have been adjusted upwards from earlier repair service estimates.  Shop, of course will allow the houseman or housewife to use a lathe to fashion a new leg for the table or merely replace a doorknob or re-attach a screen door and so forth.

Foreign language skills. Forget French and Italian. Take Spanish I, and II and conversational Spanish. It is the language of the future. “English Only Spoken Here” is wishful thinking, Si?

Economics for understanding for home and office expenditures. Better throw in a course on how to prepare your own tax forms, as well.

Athletics? Certainly a good pastime, but if the funding is not available, then schools must to go to the private sector. When we had the meat plant years ago, we sponsored a softball league. I would think a medical clinic or hospital, for example, might be proud to sponsor high school teams. Or a casino? They always seem to have money to burn.

I think that’s about it. Mathematics can be conquered with a hand held calculator, and a personal computer can answer any question one might ponder regarding any subject. All other subjects. Vocational and otherwise, can be accessed via correspondence schools.

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In the DN police logs, a resident of Olive Street reported that his automobile had been moved from the street curb to his own driveway by persons unknown. He should not complain regarding this generous gesture. After quitting college I worked in the rug department at the Emporium in Es Eff, for minimal wages. One Thanksgiving Day I inadvertently parked my car a few inches into someone’s driveway. The car was soon towed and I had to spend my money, set aside for a turkey dinner, to get my car released from the towing yard. There is no compassion in a big city when it comes to illegal parking.

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The Kelsey cousins of Burlingame tell of an American Indian wife named “5 Horses”. When asked why she was so named, the translator replied, “Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag”!

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Last week’s quiz either stumped the experts…or apathy rules the land. The complete quote of Mark Twain reads, “If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man”. And, if a church planned to bus its parishioners to its service, what could they call it? “Mass transit”, perhaps?

We shall suspend the quiz for the summer until urge to respond returns.

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I noted Tomasina, the dog lady, headed out across the bridge towards Antelope Vet, with a dog in her shopping cart. When I saw her later, the cart was empty. I hope this does not mean she is in the market for a 3^rd pet, because she is always accompanied in her rounds by 3, no more, no less.

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A golfer met an attractive woman on the first tee and agreed to join her for a round. To his surprise, she turned out to be a good golfer and beat him. He was angry, but they agreed to play the next day. However, she continued to beat him the rest of the week.  He finally bought her a drink anyway, they got to talking and she invited him to her house. When he made advances, she stopped him by admitting she was a transvestite.  Dismayed, he blurted out, “You cheated me! You’ve been playing off the women’s tee all week!”

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J. Harrop, in his regular Saturday column, took the City Council to task for not paying attention to budget deficits and not asking questions of the City Manager. This area used to be my province when I was doing a column in the DN. I called it “Palace Intrigue”, and it was designed to ruffle the feathers of those who chose to sit on the Council for little pay but attractive benefits. On their lofty perch, these birds would cogitate, pontificate and occasionally fall asleep.

It has always been thus. The men and women who populate the Council…and the Board of Supervisors, for that matter, are ordinary and dedicated folks who apparently have a desire to improve the quality of life for their constituents. But, because theirs is not a full time job, they need input from department heads and others…and rely on their city and county managers to deliver them the right information to assist  them in the decision making process. Some managers have limited themselves to just that, while others have overstepped, overreached and run the show unilaterally. They  have often been sent packing for their efforts when those, to whom they serve, awake from their slumbers. But little wake up calls from writers like J. Harrop are certainly helpful from time to time.

I would take up the gauntlet once again and joust with the Council and the Board, but I no longer have my contacts. L. Stevens, Russ Frey and the great Larry Lalaguna Sr. are in their retirement mode. Unfortunate. They could scent a wasteful proposal or irregular conduct a mile away.

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Sightem: Man with old grey dog in Cone & Kimball Plaza. I thought he was just letting his dog water the shrubs but then I saw the two of them walking slowly and carefully reading the captions on the bricks. I was pleased to see them do so. If you have a few minutes when downtown shopping, you might check them out. They fairly well tell the history of our fair city by citing the names of those who have lived and died therein.

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Dear Philips Norelco,

You don’t know me, but I have used your electric cordless razor for more years than I care to remember. I write to you rather than just fill out the Customer Satisfaction Card you thoughtfully included with my purchase in which  you promise me a $20.00 saving. Said saving is triggered if and when I purchase another Philips product which, at my age, is not  likely.

It is not that I do not like your razor; it is that I had quite a fight on my hands just to open the securely plastic wrapped damned thing! I tried scissors, a sharp knife and a hammer. If your product had washed up on a desert island, a castaway would have been pleased to note that no water had permeated the wrapping. I thought for a time I too would have been denied entry, but Yankee know- how prevailed.  But here is a suggestion: As long as your product is hugging a shelf in Wal-Mart, there is little chance of a Tsunami wave engulfing it…so why not make it user friendly right from the git- go by  giving the razor a cellophane wrap like the Easter bunny does his basket of  candy eggs.

But what I really wanted to tell you is that I first went cheap, as is my custom these recessionary days, and purchased a corded razor. My reasoning was that, with an electrical outlet nearby, I could just plug it in…and with its flexible cord, stretch it to my face and shave. But when I did so, the cord detached from the razor. I tried to replace it more securely, but each time, it detached and I was shaving with a gun without bullets if you catch my metaphor. Frustrated, I returned to the good folks at Wal-Mart with my razor and totally shredded container plastic box. I told them at the return counter of my experience and said I wanted to leave it with them and upgrade to a cordless model. They said, poor baby, and asked for my receipt. I fetched one from my bag, but when they examined it closely they could see that the receipt was from Target for a pair of women’s bloomers or something. However, by showing my identification they took my money and allowed the exchange and all was right with the world.

Sincerely R. Minch, Esq.

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Last week’s quiz was promptly answered by J. Angelo, who discovered  that “Immy ” was the original spelling of the “Emmy” award, named for the image orthicon tube used in early television cameras, and that one Humperdinck  was the composer of Hansel & Gretel music, and the other was a pop star whose real name is Arnold George Dorsey.

This week’s quiz: Who came up with the idea for  the “Blue BooK” in which automobile prices are compared…and what other “BlueBook” did he create? Who occupies the top floor of the Masonic Bldg on Main Street…and what did the Masons donate to the Cone & Kimball Tower?

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A woman reported a break- in on Bowman Road to the police. Nothing was missing, but she became aware of the break-in when she discovered that her dog was in her house and her cat was out. She said it was the opposite when she left her residence. I believe there is a simple explanation for this mystery. Her dog learned how to open her front door and went inside to escape the heat. When he discovered the cat was going to tell on him, he kicked the cat out. Case closed.

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At the end of the day, a Police Sergeant  parked his van in front of the police station. A little kid was standing nearby and heard the Sergeant’s K-9 partner barking in the rear of the van. He asked, “Do you have a dog in your van?

“Indeed I do,” replied the Sergeant.

“What did he do?, asked the kid.

(To reply to the website: rminchandmurray @hotmai).

The 4^th of July has come and gone, but the subject of patriotism, the flag and why this country is still the greatest show on earth lingers.

The Daily News recently ran a contest. The subject had to do with why we love our country. The winning entries were well written…and predictable. Whereas most citizens support our government, per se, they often disprove of the way it is run.

The simplistic answer to this question of love of country, is because of the freedom it affords us.  Our form of government allows us, within the confines of the law, to be as great or as frivolous as we like. We are, in a word, compared to other countries, unfettered. However, our self expression can become a liability when it comes to the internet. It is true we are free to speak our mind in this medium without fear of retribution, but our words, or the words of others, can be distorted and manipulated to the extent we may find ourselves being signatory to causes we do not espouse.

If you use a computer, you are often smothered with messages of  interesting viewpoints or inflammatory nature. It is seldom an original thought from someone you know. It is generally forwarded by someone you know who had previously received it and were urged to “pass it on”. But when a statement or a photo is unsolicited and potentially false, readers should question the source and look to Snopes or some such research site, to endorse it or reject it. Usually it will be the latter.

An example is an e mail recently received from a quiz contributor. He forwarded a statement, ostensibly from comedian Bill Cosby. to me. If taken at face value, we would do ourselves and others a great injustice by repeating it.  Cosby has disavowed it, and states it does not reflect his thinking on the matter of patriotism and how he views our country. It is, however, a clever piece and reads as though it comes from Cosby.  Worse, it contains a modicum of truth in that it reflects collective thoughts on how the country is currently being run…and how confidence in our leaders is at an all time low.

The writer of the tract says Cosby is going to run for President as a write- in candidate in 2012. He is not, but the piece says he is, so we start with the premise that he has a platform and  lists his objectives: He will see that the phrase, “Press one for English” is band and replaced with “English is our official language. Speak it or wait outside the border until you can”. This is humorous, but the unnamed author is deadly serious and means it . If some relate to that sentiment,  how about objective # 2: “We immediately become isolationist and we stop all imports and exports. We will adhere to the Wal-Mart credo: ‘If we don’t have it, you don’t need it. All goods will be made and sold here in our own country’.” Once again, good for a laugh, but would anyone aspire to such a credo as a practical matter? Unfortunately yes.

The author of the tract goes on with nuttier ideas…100% tariff when imports are resumed, welfare checks only handed out with proof of education and urinalysis, first time professional athletes testing positive for steroids are banned for life, criminals put death in the same manner as their victims…and all foreign aid stopped immediately with the money saved going to pay off our national debt. Oh…and the Pledge of Allegiance will be said in school and congress every day.

It seems to me that such edicts fly in the face of our democracy. It isn’t a case of love it or leave it…it is a case of understanding how we got where we are, and how to solve the problems we now face with compassion and understanding. We opened our doors at Ellis Island a long time ago. To slam them shut at this late date suggest a miss-reading of our history.

I hope I am not injured when stepping down from my high horse…

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When we saw the land moving equipment going around and around the Vestal property on Antelope Blvd. we feared that a commercial development was under way. But then a call to the Planning Department calmed us down. Apparently a walnut orchard is planned for this coveted site. Hundreds of acres of deep Columbia loam has nourished fields of alfalfa since Hector was a pup and served as a pastoral entrance to our fair city from the east. The majestic Valley Oaks have fallen one by one over the years while the alfalfa harvest has continued. In a few years there should be an orchard of Walnut trees as far as the eye can see.

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Last week’s quiz: Define unfamiliar words describing animals and birds. J. Angelo was first in with, Cervine…deer; Hircine…goat; Larine…gull; Ovine…sheep; and, as a sleeper, Ovaltine …which he figured might be a Swiss cow.

This week’s quiz: B. Kelsey of Burlingame reports the award “Emmy” got its name from “Immy”, but what is that? Two people in music were named Engelbert Humperdinck.  What did they do and what was the real name of one?

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“I am not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I am not dumb…and I also know that I’m not a blonde.” Dolly Parton

(To respond to this website: rminchandmurray@hotmail)

I am mystified when it comes to awards. The Academy, The Emmy and The Tony are somewhat plausible. We pay for entertainment and are pleased to see entertainers awarded for their performance. But Olive Oil?

The DN proudly covered the awards recently given to local producers of olive oil. Our friends at Pacific Sun are one of the producers of this fine product and routinely win awards year after year for their efforts. We are happy for them, but how does the selection process work? Are there palates, so discerning, that they can tell a Tehama Olive Oil from, say, an Atascadero one…assuming they have Olive trees in Atascadero? The name of that city, by the way, translates loosely as “bog” and comes from the verb “atascar” meaning to “become stuck or hindered”…but, I digress.

It is not that I question such awards; I just marvel at how one oil can be selected from another. Maybe, as one ages, one cannot detect subtle differences.  Perhaps color and packaging are factors. Perhaps if an elderly gent was given…freely given, samples of various oils, a selection could be made and a personal endorsement or award given.  Just a thought.

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And speaking of awards, columnist Jon Carroll reminds us of a clam chowder contest in Carmel years ago, when 50 restaurants competed, yet the experts picked the wining entrant from Denny’s… even though the company admitted their clam chowder was a mix of soybean extract, fructose and other non clam ingredients…and a cheesecake contest in Ess Eff resulted in an off- the- shelf Sara Lee entrant tagged for 3^rd place. Tsk, tsk.

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If anyone were to ask you, George Will is a splendid columnist and commentator. That he is also a baseball filbert is an added bonus. The guy can really write and has moved, I think, from right of center to a more practical middle or nonpartisan position. He does not like nor support the current war in Afghanistan…and would, as many of us, like to stop the bloodshed, now. He is not an admirer of the military complex, per se.

He wrote recently, “The American undertaking in Afghanistan is a fool’s errand, and McChrystal (the recently demoted General) is breathtakingly foolish. It may be said that his defect is only a deficit of political acumen. Only? Again, the mission in Afghanistan is much more political than military.” He goes on to say, “President Obama is involved in nation-building in Afghanistan, which requires the wisdom of Aristotle, the leadership skills of George Washington and the analytic sophistication of de Tocqueville. But the grinding paradox of nation-building is this: No one with the aptitudes necessary for it would be rash or delusional enough to try it.”

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From the Friday DN Police Logs: “A man dressed in camouflage was reportedly yelling in Wal-Mart until he was arrested on unrelated warrants.” It has been my experience that current US Army Issue Camouflage outfits are designed to be worn in desert type surroundings. The arrested fellow, if wanting to continue his rant unmolested, would have been advised to don  a large mumu as is fashionable these days with some Wal-mart shoppers. It could have been a multi colored party frock or something designed to blend in the camping and hunting departments. Desert mufti was a fool’s choice.

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S. Orner had the answers to last week’s quiz: Snoopy allegedly flew a Sopwith Camel in his aerial duels with the Red Baron…and Apollo 19 LM was nicknamed Snoopy.

This week’s quiz: If you described an animal as “cervine” what would it look like.  Hircine? Larine? Ovine? Ovaltine?

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A wealthy man married a beautiful woman without knowing anything about her. She said as much but he replied, “No matter. We’ll learn about each other as we go along. That will be part of the fun.

On their first day in a fancy hotel, he led his bride to the indoor pool, climbed to the top of the diving board and dove in completing a double summersault. “I used to be an Olympic diving champion! I told you we would learn things about each other as we went along.”

is His  Without a word, his bride jumped in the water and completed 25 laps in the pool with apparent ease. Her husband said, “Wow! Were you also an Olympic champion?”

“No,” she said. I was a hooker in Venice, and I worked both sides of the canal.”

(To reply to this website: rminchandmurray@hotmail.com)   “No

In the process of learning right from wrong, children have long been spanked. It has been the American way of life. I learned not to hit my sister by being spanked by my mother. It got my attention as she used a coat hanger to deliver the blow. When I pick up a coat hanger today, I am glad it is only to hang a coat. It was with great relief, but with mixed emotions, when my Father said, “You are getting too big to spank, so you won’t be going to the Saturday matinee this week”. I would certainly miss the Flash Gordon serial…but no more spanking was worth it. However, today, parents are oriented to “time out”.

Our great grandson, Jacob, is about a year and half old, and more than an arm and a half load. But he is not spanked. He is issued a “time out” edict. He has to sit his little butt in a chair in the corner until his mother deems he has learned his lesson. I can’t believe this is effective but apparently he gets the message. In my day, if sat in a corner, I would spend the time plotting my next misdemeanor.

I guess punishment is in the eye of the beholder. When we were in the fourth grade, several of us were caught engaged in a fight on school grounds, and sentenced to staying indoors at recess for a week. But discovering we were unsupervised, we promptly made up a game of tag by jumping from desk top to desk top. These high jinks probably later caused the resignation of the teacher, Mrs. Helen McKenzie Owens after only one year in the saddle.  A good switching at that age might have prolonged  a teacher’s tenure. But, that was a long time ago and who’s to say how children learn right from wrong. Some never do.

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Department of miss-spoke:

“Outside of the killings, Washington D.C. has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.” Former Mayor Marion Barry

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The Chamber of Commerce recently asked what can be done to stimulate business in Tehama County. I was stumped to come up with answers.  It seems an impossible local task when confronted with the national and international financial abyss. We need to get people employed and enriched with disposable income to get us rolling again. Apparently one of the suggestions getting the most interest is to set up a full video billboard along Interstate 5 . It would be updated hourly and spotlight the goings-on in Red Bluff for travelers heading up the freeway. Events such as the Bull Sale and Roundup would be highlighted. I would go a step further and have photos of some of our movers and shakers appear on the screen saying something like, “Welcome, Pardner! Why not turn off and rest a spell in downtown Red Bluff. You’ll be glad you did!”  Of course the fellow would have to be handsome and look good in a cowboy hat…like Larry Lalaguna Jr. for example. Maybe a current or former Miss Tehama County, in her banner and swimsuit, would get the job done. The Chamber is open to suggestions.

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Adam Gopnik, in The New Yorker, has an interesting concept: “Even if we make allowances for the Book of Mark’s cryptic tracery, the human traits of his Jesus are evident: intelligence, short temper, and an ironic dueling wit. What seems new about Jesus is not his piety or divine detachment but the humanity of his irritability and impatience. He is no Buddha. He gets annoyed at the stupidity of his followers, their inability to grasp an obvious point as he says, ‘Do you have eyes but fail to see?’”. Gopnik quotes several other illuminating passages. Rather interesting, what?

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Last week’s quiz asked why a collection of maps is called an Atlas, who’s name was given to Mercator Projection and when was the War of 1812 fought? N. Rick discovered that a fellow named Gerardus Mercator set the standards for map making in 1569…and the War of 1812 lasted from June, 1812 to the spring of 1815.

This week’s quiz: Charlie Brown’s dog Snoopy is alleged to have flown what plane in his duels with whom…and what was the Apollo 19 Lunar module nick named?

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Some old jokes are worth a second run: A blonde was being interviewed for a job. The interviewer asked, “How old are you?”

She started counting on her fingers and announced “22!”

“And how tall are you?”

She measured with a tape measure and said, “5 foot two!”

When asked her name, she paused and sang, “Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to me…happy birthday dear….my name is Mandy!”

(to respond to this website: rminchandmurray@hotmail.com)