I SAY for. . .26 December 2008

          A recent TIME magazine cover read “THE LISTS ISSUE” in which their staff compiled the year’s most memorable events in every conceivable field. I hereby submit a short list regarding Tehama County for your consideration:

          Long established stores closed. Lake Red Bluff, threatened with extinction, may have received a reprieve due to the State’s lack of funds for a diversion project. The Path Program, designed to find a shelter for the homeless, appears moribund due to lack of concern by Red Bluff City department heads and City Council members who, coincidently, already have their own warm beds in which to sleep this winter. The number of downtown buildings which have been, or are in the process of being, repaired for structural failure. The elation of seeing the Cone & Kimball Plaza nearing completion coupled with the fact that more money is still needed to bring it to fruition. The shrinking of our downtown retail area now confined to a couple of blocks on Main and on Walnut…and the corresponding shrinking of the Daily News and the Record Searchlight, the latter closing their local office. The condemnation and razing of the US Bank building, and the delay in replacing it. The expanding police reports of theft and assault. The rise and fall of gas prices. The decrease in the number of real estate sales people and the corresponding plethora of houses and commercial buildings for sale or for lease. The questionable new traffic light at Main and Cedar, and the lack of same at the corner of Oak and Rio.

          Have I forgotten something? Seems like an awfully short list. Maybe we have it better than the rest of the country. Yes, I think we have. It really comes down to whether one is happy…or not. A recent British Medical Journal report states that happiness is contagious! If a subject’s friend was happy, that subject was 15% more likely to be happy too; if that friend’s friend was happy, the original subject was 10% more likely to be so. To put a finer point on it, if you are happy, your next door neighbor is likely to be 34% more happy. The missus’ favorite saying is, “You can make this a happy day or a sad day…it is up to you.” Maybe if your next door neighbor is happy, you get an extra leg up.

          Have a very Happy New Year.

• * * * * *

A clerk at Staples made my day. We have been converting our office computer to a newer, faster model. In the process, some component parts needed retrofitting. I took my keyboard into the store and showed the clerk we needed an adapter in order to connect our old keyboard. He promptly showed me a connector for $35.00. I whistled. Then he said, “However, you can buy a new keyboard for only $15.00.”

How jolly, I thought as I paid for the new keyboard. That’s the Xmas spirit!

• * * ** *

Disconcerting visage. Driving along Antelope Blvd. I spotted a late model pickup with tailgate down. On the pickup bed was a flag draped coffin. I imagined several scenarios. As all were too awful to contemplate further, I sped up and moved quickly away attempting, unsuccessfully, to get it out of my mind.

• * * ** *

Alan Mulally, CEO of Ford Motor Co., drove 524 miles from Detroit to Washington to renew his plea for an auto-industry bailout. As we do not fly, the missus and I drove over 400 miles to El Aye for a far more rewarding experience.  We spent Xmas with daughter Madalyn awaiting her 2^nd kidney transplant. She is patiently awaiting same as is her splendid donor in waiting Kelly Forward Redden.

                                      * * * * * **

Last week’s quiz was answered promptly and correctly by S. Orner who completed the limericks. “What a wonderful bird is the Pelican, his bill can hold more than his belly can”. And, “There was a young belle of old Natchez, whose garments were always in patches. When comments arose on the state of her clothes, she drawled, “When ah itches, I scratches.”

          This week’s quiz: We had, in my day, 6 service stations on Main Street proper. Name 5 and locate them if possible.

• * * ** *

Sources say the Woolly Mammoth, extinct for 10,000 years might some day be cloned. Scientist have sequenced 80% of its genome. How this might impact the meat industry is anybody’s guess. Or the wool business, for that matter.

• * * ** * *

A doctor was on his way to a medical conference, and brought along his secretary to organize his appointments. Their plane arrived late and they reached the hotel late only to find but one room was available. They took it.

          It was cold that night, and as they slipped under the covers, the secretary asked if the doctor would close the windows. The doctor replied, “Would you like to pretend you’re my wife tonight?”

“Oh yes,” the secretary exclaimed.

“Good”, said the doctor. “Get up and close the window yourself!”

WE SAID: 17 December 1976

(Editor’s Note from the Daily News of this date) “The following guest editorial is the message from the Bicentennial Commission as written and delivered by Robert Minch at the ceremonies in which the time capsule was buried in the Tehama County Courthouse lawn. This message will be read 100 years from now upon the disinterment of the capsule by our descendants.”)

          Greetings:

          Time capsules are one of the few things buried with hope for their eventual unearthing. Most subjects for burial must look to their own germinating ability if they are ever to see the light of day again.

          This capsule is interred with a very lofty concept in mind; to tell you people of the future, just how it was in the past. Perhaps with our guidelines, your generation can profit by the successes and failures of this generation. And we have had plenty of failures. This is not to say, however, that we have fouled our nest completely. Far from it. In fact, we have it very good indeed.

          Although we do, on occasion, make war, we are, as of this age, not doing so. The world is, for the most part, at peace.

          We have just elected a new President of this country, who has promised to cure us of all the ills wrought by the previous administration…but we know it wasn’t all that bad. And although a woman or a black still hasn’t been Vice President, let along President, we have made good strides toward equality for all.

          Our science has allowed us to live longer. Our industry has allowed us to live better. And our conscience has forced us to be concerned about the fate of our fellow men.

          Therefore, we can, in all modesty, lay down and seal up this record of our life to date, with the boast that you, of the future, will have done well, if you have merely maintained the standards we set down for you.

          We hope your life is as rich and fulfilling as our own has been. It had better be! Our grandchildren will be a part of it!

THE PASSING PARADE:

          Usually we write, in this space, about an individual who has made an indelible impression on us. However, at the end of year I am overwhelmed by all that have come and gone to the extent that no one individual takes center stage.

          If I walk the downtown streets I see the ghosts of Gene  Penne at his Shell Station, Frank Falls at his creamery, Dutch Isensee at his sport store, druggist Bill Norvell, Arthur Fickert and his furniture, Walter Stoll and his auto parts, Bob Upton at his grocery store, the many managers of the Tremont Hotel, Elmer Zuckweiler and his department store, Floyd Adams at his fountain, Charlie Dale, Henry Swain, Gus Hershey, Herman Dolling, Fred Wiggett and Al Gaumer  at their insurance business, Jim Froome at the Crocker Bank and….well, there is no end to it when you spend your entire life in a small town. These names will mean very little to newcomers, but I assure you, they were, at one time, very active shapers of our community

 The phrase “You had to be there” comes to mind.                                   

The merchants made the small towns, and Red Bluff is no exception.

My father worked side by side with them while in his grocery store and knew of their strengths and weaknesses. He saw them fall with incurable diseases, saw them drink themselves to death and marveled when their individual demons were so great that they took their own lives.

          I wrote monthly for 10 years about the employees at our old meat plant and the cattlemen that sold us their livestock. Maybe we can find a way through this website to re-visit each and every one. It will be worth your time to read of them…and worth my effort to recreate them.

I SAY for. . . .19 December 2008

          At this time of year, it is prudent to get along with your fellow man or woman. Peace on earth, good will to men and all of that. The following anecdote will illustrate the wisdom of this axiom.

           I am about to leave the house for work, and before closing the door, I shout to the missus, “If you go to Wal-Mart this morning, get me a couple of Power Bars!”

          As she is in the kitchen, my plea is not heard in its entirety. “What?”

she replies.

          “I said get me a couple Power Bars if you go to the store!”

          “Alright…but where will I find them?”

          I always give clear and precise directions. “Go past the check-out stands, past the cosmetic department and the pharmacy, and just before you get to the dog food section, the bars, along with other energy supplements, will be on the dividing wall. I prefer the peanut butter variety.”

          I linger at the door until I hear her say, “I don’t understand …I’m going  past the check-out counters which run north, and….”

          “No, you are going north past the check-out counters which run east.  Keep going until you…”

          “Wait a minute!” she orders. “You enter the store, go straight ahead past the check-outs…and you have to go to the far rear for the pharmacy. That’s for sure!”

          Knowing that men may not follow directions…but we can sure as hell give clear directions, I start over. “You know when you park your car, and head into the store…?
          “You are talking nonsense.  If I walk into the store, and keep walking in a straight line, I will wind up in the pharmacist’s lap!”

          “Only if he is sitting in a chair in aisle 3 will you sit in his lap. You have to turn right when you enter the store, go past cosmetics…and then…”

          There is a moment of silence. The missus leaves the kitchen and comes into the entryway where I am patiently waiting. She folds her arms across her chest and says firmly, “If you turn right…you go to the camera department. If you think otherwise, our conversation has come to an impasse.”

          Just as I am about to say something I would regret later, a light goes on over my head, and I say, “We are talking Wal-Mart here, aren’t we?”

          And she says, “No, we are talking Raley’s here…and have been for the last 5 blooming minutes!”

 Then she laughs…I laugh…and all is right with the world. All it takes is a little patience and most marriages can be saved.

• * * * * *

The Right Reverend Robert H Schuller has finally dropped the other

 shoe.  Last month he ousted his son, Robert A., from the popular “Hour of Power” TV show, and the son resigned as Senior Pastor of the Chrystal Cathedral. The father had insisted that the son allow other pastors to preach therein on a rotating basis…and the son not only took a walk, but promised to start his own church, forthwith.

          One does not often see this ecclesiastical laundry being examined up close, but these are changing times and many churches are now taking introspective looks. Did you know that although the world population has doubled since 1970, that there are the same number of Catholic Priests now as then? I suspect, if this trend continues, one will have to take a number, as they do at Baskin Robbins, just to give their confession. Tsk, tsk.

• * * * * *

Last week’s quiz was easily solved by N. Rick and L. and J. Darling.

 They knew the dog in Peter Pan was named Nana, and “Nancy with the Smilin’ Face” was written by Jimmy Van Heusen and Phil Silvers for Frank Sinatra’s daughter, Matilda. No, Nancy…as in the song title.

          This week’s quiz: Complete this limerick: “A wonderful bird is the pelican ….” Also this one: “There was a young belle of old Natchez, whose garments were always in patches. When comments arose on the state of her clothes, she drawled, “…….” (Think Ogden Nash)

• * * * * *

Intrepid Word Merchant, C. Larimer, writes of the virtue of living in

 North Dakota where the New York Times reports this placid state shows no sign of recession. Car sales are up, foreclosure rates miniscule, homes have been gaining modestly in value and construction is booming. Add to this that the state has a 1.2 billion dollar surplus budget, and one can see why Mr. Larimer opted for an editorship in Bowman, N.D. However, all is not roses because, if there were roses, they would have died.  The temperature last Sunday, Cliff reports, was minus 13…and the following days showed promise of -26. However, he and Betsy are content, and though occasionally house bound, make do with old movies, football, reading and hot chocolate. 

• * * * * *

A boy was riding along the street with a home-made cart pulled by a

dog with a rope attached to the dog’s genitals. On the side of the cart, the boy had written “POLICE”. A passer-by watched with interest. When the cart stopped, he told the boy, “You know, your police car would go faster if you tied the rope around your dog’s neck.”

“I know,” said the boy, “but I wouldn’t have the neat siren!”

          Christmas was the one time of the year when we had California oranges and Brazil nuts. Christmas meant more to us because we did not have toys and presents all through the year like lots of kids do now.  One of my fondest memories is buying my mother 10c toy horse when I was about 6 years old. I bought it with my own chicken money and was very proud of the gift. Mother let on like it was the one thing she wanted above everything else.

          Christmas seems to me to be so much more commercialized than it was. Take the Christmas cards everyone sends. Instead of taking two or three minutes to write a few sincere words to a friend we haven’t seen for a long time, we buy a printed card and sign our name to it and away it goes. Ninety nine percent, I think, go into the wastebasket at once with the words, “Gee, I mustn’t forget to send them a card next year now that they have sent me one.”

          It is still the greatest holiday of all, though I think many have forgotten that it is the celebration in memory of the birth of Christ, who taught us that it is more blessed to give than to receive.

Dave Minch  

THE PASSING PARADE for. . . 19 December 2008

          John Hoy came from the town of Kennett, which is now under the waters of Shasta Dam. John is, and has been for sometime, under the soil of Oak Hill Cemetery. My father, during the depression, owned a grocery store on Main where the North Valley Mattress company is presently located. It was the largest store of its type in town, and he hoped to make it profitable by installing a meat department on the north side next to Dale’s Insurance office. As he did not know a brisket from a basket, he heard that a butcher, formerly from Kennett, was looking for work…and hired him on the spot. It turned out to be a very fine relationship, for Mr. Hoy eventually became general manager of Minch’s Wholesale Meats, our slaughter plant 2 miles west of town.

          Despite the oriental sounding name, John was a tall Caucasian, no- nonsense fellow who worked long hours without complaint, and was father’s great friend, confidant and trustworthy employee. When working on a calf skinning crew one summer, I heard him utter one of his famous admonitions: “If you can’t talk and work, then don’t talk.” He had a good head for figures and invested wisely…upon his demise he owned a great deal of undeveloped land west of Baker road.

          John’s wife had died at an early age, and he ate meals with my father and mother during the 30’s until he married Ancel Black’s widow. John’s, only child, by his previous marriage, was a son named Hilman, who worked at the plant for many years as a kill floor butcher and later up front in our portion control department. Hilman was unlucky in love and marriage and raised two daughters by himself when the court, in an unusual decision, granted him custody.

 Hilman taught me how to tie a boneless roast with an all purpose knot I use to this day.  Father and son gone now these many years.

I SAY for. . . . .12 December 2008

I have a scrapbook containing typos and double entendres collected over the years from leading newspapers. They should serve as a warning, to all who write for publication, of the pitfalls of careless personal editing. Yes, I know, I am against editing per se…but a reader should expect a text free of error and double meanings…unless by design. As an example, the Ess Eff Chron had a headline reading “CAROLINE KENNEDY EYEING  CLINTON’S SEAT”. Was this a catty comment regarding Hillary’s pant suit spread…or just an abbreviated news bite referring to the Senate seat she will be giving up? What I’m leading up to is a little typographical cat who crept in, crapped and crept out again of last week’s offering.  I had referred to our weekly quiz regarding the 1927 Yankees and Murderers Row, but it printed out as 127 Yankees, which made no sense at all!  Some readers will make sport of my gaff and I suppose it should have been corrected. However, once something goes online, it is there for the tittering, even if a corrected version appears shortly thereafter. Sigh.

Speaking of typos, on the sport page in the old days, the most frequent typos had to do with the shot put event. Some sports writers could never type these  simple words correctly. One of my favorites from the scrapbook read, “The victim was shot, and the bullet is in her yet.” This prompted a scurry for text books to discover just where a person’s “yet” was located. Oh well, maybe you had to be there…

• * * * **

A great fear of horse owners is that their livestock will get out of their paddock or pasture and head for the nearest highway. I briefly left a gate open last week while cleaning up the corral, and 3 horses and 2 burros made their escape when I momentarily turned my back on them.

I believe a loose horse has three things going on in his mind almost simultaneously: 1) I am free! I can run and kick and no one will be around to stop me! 2) I’m hungry…there must be some fresh grass around here. I better look for it. 3) I am not used to being on my own away from the safety of the barn…and I am frightened. So, in that order, the gang of five ran, snorted, kicked up their heels and circled one another until that game wore thin, then they discovered some new grass in the Pacific Farms orchard surrounding our ranch, and began eating it voraciously.  Mother Nature had provided a respite from their headlong dash that would have put them on the highway. Once engaged in their grazing, they were easily haltered and lead back to the barn. It is an object lesson I shall not soon forget.

* * * * **  *

An official government report is now out, and those worthies, who collected data for same, somberly concluded the country has been in a recession for a year. A person does not have to consult Washington to learn that bad news. A stroll around town this past year, and conversations with local merchants, would have foretold this report months ago. I wish, when asked by a neophyte real estate person if the business slow down was just temporary, that I had replied, “Better hang on tight…it’s going to be a bumpy ride.” Instead, I smiled and replied that we were just going through another cycle. Oh my,  how very prescient.

• * ** * *

If readers have computer challenged friends who might profit by these pithy comments, inform them free printed copies of same are displayed in a plastic holder near our front door, 760 Main at Walnut.

• * ** *

Last week’s quiz asked for the name of the inventor of basketball, his home town and so forth. N. Rick knew the answer. James Naismith, a teacher at Springfield College, Mass. is credited with inventing the game in 1892.

This week’s quiz: What was the name of the dog that guarded the Darling children in Peter Pan, who wrote “Nancy with the Laughin’ Face”, and for whom?

* * * * *

Aldous Huxley, 60 or 70 years ago, wrote some interesting novels: Ape and Essence, Brave New World, Point Counterpoint, Eyeless in Gaza and so forth. In one such, he described an invention which would enable people, seated in a special contraption with globes attached on which to rest their hands, to experience travel and the sensations related to same, without leaving the comforts of their own home. A fellow on the BBC the other day reports we are rapidly approaching that goal. He said, since the introduction of the internet in 1972, “distance has virtually disappeared”…and with the further development of “bandwidth”, events like the teleconferencing we now experience, herald a new age of travel. He did not say “time” travel, but I think it is on our rapidly expanding agenda. Exciting, what?

• * * ** *

A man went to his rabbi and said, “I’m very troubled by my son. He went away and came back a Christian.”

The rabbi said, “You know, it’s funny you say that. My son also left home and came back a Christian.”

They decided to pray about it, and God said, “You know, it’s funny you say that…”

TO COMMENT ON THIS ISSUE, E MAIL ME AT rminchandmurray@hotmail.com

WE SAID Circa 1942-43:

          Last Saturday I placed the following phone calls and talked on all of them in the space of about one hour. One to New Jersey, two to Klamath Falls, Oregon, two to Greenville, two to San Francisco, one to Oakland, and one each to Sacramento, Chico and Redding covering altogether about 5000 miles. Modern high speed business could not get along without the telephone.

                    The war department says a big convoy of boats has arrived in England with enormous amounts of tanks, planes and war supplies, sent over by us. I would like to see some convoys going across the Pacific instead. England may need our help, but I do not think she needs it any more than our men fighting in the Philippines. At present their future looks very dark. If they live, about all they can look forward to is to spend the rest of the war in a prison camp somewhere.

          I hope all the stories of Hitler’s retreats are true, but I can’t help believing that there is a purpose behind all this apparent defeat. Hitler can not stand still very long or the unrest of his own people would soon defeat him.

Dave Minch

WE SAID Circa 1942-43:

          Last Saturday I placed the following phone calls and talked on all of them in the space of about one hour. One to New Jersey, two to Klamath Falls, Oregon, two to Greenville, two to San Francisco, one to Oakland, and one each to Sacramento, Chico and Redding covering altogether about 5000 miles. Modern high speed business could not get along without the telephone.

                    The war department says a big convoy of boats has arrived in England with enormous amounts of tanks, planes and war supplies, sent over by us. I would like to see some convoys going across the Pacific instead. England may need our help, but I do not think she needs it any more than our men fighting in the Philippines. At present their future looks very dark. If they live, about all they can look forward to is to spend the rest of the war in a prison camp somewhere.

          I hope all the stories of Hitler’s retreats are true, but I can’t help believing that there is a purpose behind all this apparent defeat. Hitler can not stand still very long or the unrest of his own people would soon defeat him.

Dave Minch

Mary and Ritchie Sale had 8 children and lived on Gilmore Road east of town. I knew them all well, but this is about Mary. She was a witty woman and also a brave one. A couple of anecdotes highlight these virtues.

          60 years or so ago, she planned to visit relatives to the south. Reluctant to drive several hundred miles, she went to the bus and the train depots to check the schedules. Yes, the train did stop in Red Bluff in those days. While leaving train depot, a young man struck up a conversation with her and asked for a ride to the east side of town. Being a trusting soul, she agreed and he climbed into the back seat of her car.

          When she crossed the river bridge, she slowed down and told him that this was as far as she was going. “I think this is a good place to catch a ride.”

          The young man said, “Keep going.” And when she appeared not to understand, repeated “Keep going”…and added, “I’ve got a gun!”

`        She glanced over her shoulder and saw he indeed had a revolver. It was at this point she did a very unusual thing which may have saved her life. She decided not to be intimidated. She replied, “You said you have a gun and so you have, but it makes no difference to me, for if I’m going to be shot, it might as well be right here. I am well known around here and eventually my friends will come along and find me parked in the middle of the street…and they will take care of me, to be sure!”

          After a few moments, when it was apparent Mrs. Sale was not going to move an inch, he bolted from the car. She then drove rapidly home, called the police…and a short time later the desperado was behind bars.  I think you will agree we all might not have behaved with such determination.

          As to her wit, she once received a form letter from a local bank informing her that she evidently was not signing her name in the manner required on the signature card. She had a dilly of a reply which went something like this:

          “I have lived in this town a good part of my life and have had no trouble cashing my checks with any of our good merchants. And now you tell me that I have changed the way I sign my name.

          As I recall, your bank was originally called The Bank of Tehama County, then Anglo California National, then Crocker Citizens…and now merely Crocker Bank. I guess if you can change your name four times, I can change mine once. Sincerely, Mrs. Mary L. Sale”.

          What a dear lady…and now gone these many years.

When chatting with readers of this column- turned- blog, the most often heard comment is, “I find it entertaining… even though I don’t always agree with what you say.” That may be a backhanded compliment, but it I taken to heart. There is so much commentary out there today that one feels privileged to be heard above the din. Therefore, let’s test the water to see if you still don’t agree with everything I Say.

          Proposition 8 should have been defeated. Consenting adults should love whomever they wish… and enter into marriage anytime, anywhere. There are those of a religious bent who think otherwise. If you are one such, you are barking up the wrong tree. The tide of public opinion is slowly turning and your self-ordained obstruction is ill advised. And you have been advised. Your opposition is just not an epiphany. You either read it in the bible or you were advised by your clergy to oppose same sex marriage. You could have been on the right side for the election of our new President, but you were mislead and mistaken if you voted in favor of Proposition 8.  Cole Porter said it best: “The birds and the bees do it…even educated fleas do it. Let’s do it…let’s fall in love.” It is probably the strongest of all emotions…and not one to be tinkered with by legislation.
What do you think of them apples?
                                                                               * * ** *

The Daily News, in an attempt to cover all bases and sell  papers, reported last week that a man was observed standing alone in a field…with his pants off. In another breaking story, the DN reported a bag of flaming feces was thrown on somebody’s trampoline. I am not making this up. It happened and was apparently approved for publication by that arbiter of taste and good judgment, Editor Chip Thompson. All the news that’s fit to print. Go get ‘em, Chip. If it played in Burley, Idaho, it should play in Red Bluff!
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This blog you are reading, is due to the exceptional work of Michelle Carlson dba Results Driven Marketing. If she were a sailor, she could be touted for doing a yeoman’s work. Putting together a website to make it look like a printed page in a newspaper….our former venue, took a great deal of research and acumen. We highly recommend the lass for such endeavors.
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          Last week’s quiz asked for the name of the midget troupe that portrayed the Munchkins in The Wizard of Oz. They were known as the Singer Midgets and they performed at the 1939 World’s Fair. Many readers were able to name the 127 Yankee group known as Murderer’s Row: Babe Ruth, Lou Gerig, Bob Meusel and Tony Lazzeri. And the two main cities buried beneath Mt Vesuvius’ ashes were Herculaneum and Pompeii.

          This week’s quiz: Who is credited with inventing the game of Basketball, from which college…and when was the first game played?       
                                                                              * * * * *

           Speaking of quizzes and questions asked last week, and addressed to cooks, chefs and handymen about the kitchen: What are the 3 settings on your average kitchen mixer designed to do? D.
Gallagher, of the Los Molinos Gallaghers, reports setting #1, or slow, is used to keep dry goods (flour) from flying all over until the liquid ingredients take over, setting #3 is fast for whipping egg whites etc….and the #2 setting is for guys afraid of fast or slow.

 Makes sense.
                                                                               * * * **

         Headline last week obviously conveying the wrong impression: “OBAMA EYES HILLARY”.
                                                                              * * * * * *

          John Baros thinks the obvious people to fund and support our domestic auto makers are …the oil companies. That also makes sense. Huge profits and cars must be sold to use the product, so…..
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         You don’t hear people whistling much anymore. In my day, everybody whistled…even those that could not carry a tune. Our Chief Maintenance Man at the plant in the old days, C. Rutala, Sr. whistled a tuneless whistle while engrossed in his work. My father, while walking the street in Ess Eff, was surprised to see other pedestrians stare at him while he whistled. I whistle going to the horse barn in late afternoons to do chores. I whistle the “Washington Post March” on the way down…and perhaps “On The Mall” on the way back. Your life is richer if you whistle…or know someone who does .
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          An old man was driving on the freeway when his cell phone rang. It was his wife. “‘Herman,” she cried, “I just heard on the news that there is a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!”
         “Hell,” explained the old man, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”

Robert Minch