Administrators and teachers are concerned with the dwindling money available for education, forcing layoffs and curtailment of long established and cherished subjects to be taught to often indifferent students. With little background in curriculum selection I shall offer readers the benefit of my long life of observation…and suggest a bare bones approach to the education of youths. I was one once, and know now what I should have been studying then.

Reading skills must be taught. That is the first step to knowledge. Those who cannot read will be consigned to a lifetime of leaf blowing.

Students should learn to communicate coherently and legibly. In my day those who took typing from Mrs. Adams learned a skill producing lifetime benefits. There is little misunderstanding when type is set to page. Today, of course, students must be computer literate and be keyboard facile.

Shop and Auto Mechanics. Boys and girls should have this background, for, in later life, their autos will break down. For the simple servicing they will be able to replace air filters and change their oil if they choose. For major auto repair, their classes in Auto Mechanics will have prepared them for dealing with dealers when invoices appear to have been adjusted upwards from earlier repair service estimates.  Shop, of course will allow the houseman or housewife to use a lathe to fashion a new leg for the table or merely replace a doorknob or re-attach a screen door and so forth.

Foreign language skills. Forget French and Italian. Take Spanish I, and II and conversational Spanish. It is the language of the future. “English Only Spoken Here” is wishful thinking, Si?

Economics for understanding for home and office expenditures. Better throw in a course on how to prepare your own tax forms, as well.

Athletics? Certainly a good pastime, but if the funding is not available, then schools must to go to the private sector. When we had the meat plant years ago, we sponsored a softball league. I would think a medical clinic or hospital, for example, might be proud to sponsor high school teams. Or a casino? They always seem to have money to burn.

I think that’s about it. Mathematics can be conquered with a hand held calculator, and a personal computer can answer any question one might ponder regarding any subject. All other subjects. Vocational and otherwise, can be accessed via correspondence schools.

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In the DN police logs, a resident of Olive Street reported that his automobile had been moved from the street curb to his own driveway by persons unknown. He should not complain regarding this generous gesture. After quitting college I worked in the rug department at the Emporium in Es Eff, for minimal wages. One Thanksgiving Day I inadvertently parked my car a few inches into someone’s driveway. The car was soon towed and I had to spend my money, set aside for a turkey dinner, to get my car released from the towing yard. There is no compassion in a big city when it comes to illegal parking.

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The Kelsey cousins of Burlingame tell of an American Indian wife named “5 Horses”. When asked why she was so named, the translator replied, “Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag”!

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Last week’s quiz either stumped the experts…or apathy rules the land. The complete quote of Mark Twain reads, “If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man”. And, if a church planned to bus its parishioners to its service, what could they call it? “Mass transit”, perhaps?

We shall suspend the quiz for the summer until urge to respond returns.

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I noted Tomasina, the dog lady, headed out across the bridge towards Antelope Vet, with a dog in her shopping cart. When I saw her later, the cart was empty. I hope this does not mean she is in the market for a 3^rd pet, because she is always accompanied in her rounds by 3, no more, no less.

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A golfer met an attractive woman on the first tee and agreed to join her for a round. To his surprise, she turned out to be a good golfer and beat him. He was angry, but they agreed to play the next day. However, she continued to beat him the rest of the week.  He finally bought her a drink anyway, they got to talking and she invited him to her house. When he made advances, she stopped him by admitting she was a transvestite.  Dismayed, he blurted out, “You cheated me! You’ve been playing off the women’s tee all week!”

(To respond to this website: rminchandmurray@hotmai.com)

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A poem worth repeating….

“The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea

In a beautiful pea-green boat;

They took some honey, and plenty of money

Wrapped up in a five pound note.

The Owl looked up to the stars above,

And sang to a small guitar,

“Oh Pussy, oh Pussy, my love,

What a beautiful Pussy you are,

You are, you are!

What a beautiful Pussy you are!”

Pussy said to the owl, “You elegant fowl,

How charmingly sweet you sing!

Oh! Let us be married, too long we have tarried”

But what shall we do for a ring?”

They sailed away, for a year and a day,

To the land where the bong-tree grows;

And there in the wood a Piggy-wig stood,

With a ring at the end of his nose,

His nose, his nose, with a ring at the end of his nose.

“Dear Pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling

Your ring?” Said the Piggy, “I will.”

So they took it away, and were married next day

By the Turkey who lives on the hill.

They dined on mince and slices of quince,

Which they ate with a runcible spoon;

And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,

They danced by the light of the moon,

The moon, the moon,

They danced by the light of the moon.

Edward Lear

The old canard about the husband who had mixed emotions when he saw his mother-in-law driving his new Cadillac over a cliff, certainly did not give me a chuckle. I had a perfectly fine mother-in law in the form or the late Eneth Mary  Miller. She was a quiet and kindly white haired lady of 88 when she demised in 1979     .

She told me her life had been in thirds: in the first third ( born in Lewiston, Shasta County) she was single and a nurse in San Francisco, in the second third she was married to John Miller who ran a hardware store in Chico…and then spent the final third as his widow. I never heard an unkind word about the lady from the day I began courting her daughter back in 1942 when she, the daughter, first lit up Lincoln Street Elementary. You might think a kindly disposition was hardly tantamount to sainthood, but when many a marriage has gone on the rocks via interference of mother-laws-running amuck, you might appreciate this virtue.

John became a Montgomery Ward store manager when he moved his wife and 3 daughters to Red Bluff during pre war 1939. In those days, the store was located in the 800 block of Main, site of the current Peking Restaurant. The store’s large basement was home to the hardware department which John ran with a steady hand. Eneth set up housekeeping on Lincoln, near the school, then on Monroe and finally on Madison. Each home was always immaculate. But what made her an outstanding wife, mother and mother-in-law?

She was neither a busy body nor social climber. She gave good advice to her daughters i.e. “You don’t have to do what I say, but someday you might find my advice of use.” And her advice to the young spilled over to her youngest child, JoAnn, who coined the phrase, while admonishing her own children, “You can make it a good day or a bad day…it is entirely up to you!”

Perhaps heaping praise upon one’s late mother-in-law is not as exciting as, say, recounting the accomplishments of local movers and shakers of in our fair city, but, perhaps there is a reader or two who might consider their own mother-in-law…and compare with the kindly and considerate Eneth Mary Miller.

When I was working long hours at the meat plant back in the 70’s, I would dash home for dinner before returning for an evening stint getting out the loads heading for Ess Eff.  Mrs. Miller might be reading the paper in our living room while I tried to get a few minutes nap before said dinner. I once awoke to find her holding the newspaper primly in her lap. When her daughter observed her sitting motionless, she asked if she was alright. She replied, “I did not want to rattle the papers while Robert was napping.”

What a mother-in-law!

Ad. In the Chico paper: “Berry pickers wanted. No high school girls need apply”.

School children are of value as workers if they have been brought up to work. Many have not the slightest idea that they owe every minute of their time they are on the payroll to their employer.

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Our work is never dull or boring. We discovered last week that an Oakland wholesaler had overpaid us $800.00 When we refunded this amount, they said they never would have discovered the error.  The same day a lady who had sold us some hogs, came in and insisted we had purposely tried to beat her out of $20.00 on her hogs. And so it goes…something every minute.

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Our town was certainly not complimented last night. One of the ladies from Redding, who came down to play in the Badminton tournament, said that when she drove down Main street with her mother, her mother asked, “Is this Cottonwood?” I’ll admit we don’t have traffic lights like they do in Redding, but I insist our town is larger than Cottonwood.

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I want to thank the writer of the complimentary letter the editor published a few days ago. It is pleasant to receive occasionally orchids instead of skunk cabbage.

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How about having some genuine milk lamb for your Easter dinner? You can buy it at any of the following Red Bluff markets: Wentz’s, C and H Market, Kilpatric’s Market and Purity Market. It is no more expensive than good cuts of any other meat this year.

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When the Chautauqua used to come to town each summer, 25 people had to guarantee that the entertainers would receive a  certain amount  of money or else the guarantors would have to make up the deficit. My father was usually approached and told what a fine man he was in the community and that such men as he should consider it a privilege to be asked to guarantee the ticket sales. I could never see it and we had lots of arguments about it.  I contended that worthwhile entertainers did not need subsidizing…that no one had to guarantee the circus when it came to town.

Dave Minch 1900-1964

Sunday was the day selected for a memorial service. It was held in a wooded area near Mt. Shasta where the deceased had lived for many years.  Although some of our family attended the service, the missus and I did not. We were babysitting our great grandson, who will be two in August. Those in attendance at the service were aware of our situation and agreed this was a valid excuse for our absence. However, I probably would not have attended even though I had great respect and affection for the deceased.

She  was a live wire…and I intend to remember her that way. No amount of prayers or hand holding would alter that fact. And of course memorial services are for the living. Folks gather and discuss, but that’s it. If one has vivid memories of those have shucked off their mortal coil, they are best revisited alone and in quiet moments thereafter. So big Murray Clyde,  Little Bert  and I walked down to the grove to conduct  our reflections  there.

Although a hot day, it was still pleasant in early morning. I reclined in a hammock while Clyde checked out the perimeter for cats, and then plopped down beside me on the newly mown grass. Bert , b ringing up the rear finally joined our discussion group.

A large Monarch butterfly flew about, but not being a believer in reincarnation, I didn’t see it as an omen or a sign that the late lady was hovering nearby. I asked Bert what dogs do when one of their brethren passes on. He reflected for a moment, and then replied, “Not much. We can’t reflect…or so we are told. We notice when a familiar bowl is absent from the dinner scene…and we may miss a particular bark in the middle of the night…but other than that, we just move on.”

He seemed very much on point, and I wondered why the human race makes such a fuss…the flowers, the songs and the recitals. Compared to our four footed friends, human grieving seems much ado about something, but I can’t quite put my finger on it. Clyde must have read my thoughts. “We enjoy the company of other dogs or we bite them. There is little time wasted in our companionship. If we visit with other dogs, it is more curiosity than compassion. When they die, we don’t morn.”

“Well, now, I have it on good authority that you morn your masters when they are gone,” I said. “You have bedside or graveside vigils, refuse to eat and carry on something awful!”

Little Bert looked amused and replied, “Such antics are interpreted by humans, not dogs. It makes for good reading in novels…but it is likely such conduct reflects loss of food rather than companionship.”

I didn’t buy his comment. “I prefer to think you guys will miss me as I will miss you if you go first. We have bonded. Our relationship knows no bounds. We may not conduct memorial services…but we will feel the pain of loss. ” Both dogs rolled their eyes but reserved comment.

Murray Clyde rose to his feet, sniffed the air and put his nose on my wristwatch. I got the message and the three of us headed back to the house for lunch.  Such talks are good for the appetite.

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Several months ago, the County wide TRAX service was put out to bid. We were contacted by a bidder who, if awarded the contract, would have taken over one of the empty buildings we manage. Alas, the County decided to stay with the current provider. The moral to the story is that we bemoan the cost of government, per se, yet we lurk about, with hat in hand, looking for a City or County entity as a tenant. It would be nice to have it both ways.

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Our Downtown Red Bluff Business Association is promoting “Hawaiian Days” as a theme for sidewalk sales August 6^th and 7^th. They are urging merchants to dress accordingly. I’m sure this is a plus for retail trade…but if they think I am going to wear a grass skirt, they’ve got another think coming!

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Ah! Just what we need…a new Friday Daily News column! The Editor has come by with contrition written all over his handsome face and asked me to resume my I Say column in my treasured spot? No… not bloody likely. Instead there will appear a column titled “COUPON QUEEN”. Uh huh. Just what the doctor ordered for the ailing newspaper.

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Last week’s quiz went unanswered. Summer travel… or perhaps  our readers are lost in the horse latitudes? Whatever. We asked about the creator of the “Blue Book” which is a guide to automobile resale value. Les Kelley is the clever fellow who, in the 1920’s, published this helpful guide. He also created one for the Real Estate industry. And the Masonic Vesper Lodge #84 resides on the top floor of their own building in the 800 block of Main. They donated the clock and chimes to the Cone & Kimball Plaza.

This week’s quiz: Mark Twain, who lost money in bad investments, wrote, “If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you”. How did he conclude his sage advice? If a church planned to bus its parishioners to its service, what could they call it?

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A contestant on a T.V. game show, for $50,000, was asked to name two of Santa’s reindeer.

“Rudolph and Olive”, he replied. A groan went up in the audience. The game show host shuffled uneasily and asked how the contestant came up with that answer.

“Easy,” the guy sang. “Rudoph the red-nosed reindeer , had a very shiny nose, and if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows. Olive, the other reindeer…”

(To respondto this website: rminchandmurray@hotmail.com)

Marine Corps veteran Warren Flournoy was inspired to write this poem after participating in the Korean War.

“I’ve played a lot of roles in my life; I’ve met a lot of men.

I’ve done a lot of things I’d like to think I wouldn’t do again.

And though I was young, I was old enough to know someday I’ll die,

And to think about what lies beyond.

Beside whom would I lie? Perhaps it doesn’t matter much, still if I had my choice

I’d want a grave amongst fighting men when at last death quells my voice.

I am sick of the hypocrisy, of lectures to the wise.

I’ll take the man with all his flaws, who goes, though scared and dies.

The men I knew were common place; they didn’t want the war;

They fought because their fathers and fathers before them had.

They cursed and killed and wept…God knows they are easy to deride.

Bury me with men like these. They faced the guns and died.

It’s funny when you think of it, the way we got along.

We came from different worlds to live in one where no one belonged.

I didn’t even like them all, some didn’t like me,

I am sure they’d all agree,

Yet, I would give my life for them; I know some did for me.

So bury me with fighting men, please, though much maligned they be.

Yes, bury me with fighting men, for I miss their company.

But bury me with men like them ‘til someone else does more.”

Warren Flournoy 1928-

(Another of his poems next week)

Larry LaLaguna Sr. suggested I get liable insurance. I laughed it off at the time. However, after a phone call from an irate reader, it might be good preventive medicine.

The caller was the Glassblower, not to be confused with the Benchwarmer, an earlier adversary. The Glassblower is, in real life, Mr. Richard Hanson with his business in south Corning. He said, while it appeared I was sympathetic to his cause, concerning his right to advertize his products via outdoor signboards, that what I had done in reality was to belittle his occupation and his factory. He went on to say that my column had implied that his business consisted of Bunsen burner and a straw…or words to that effect. And in the future, I should research my subjects more thoroughly. Although, in effect, he was giving me hell for my article, he was doing it is a nice way i.e. he did not sue me.

His point about research is well taken. I think father was more careful in his column…more informed. My material is perhaps less documentary and I use more poetic license. Maybe distortion is a better word.  Anyway, my comments are meant to catch the eye and touch the wit of the readers as opposed to the present Sports Page, for example. In so doing I may exaggerate, somewhat. To this Mr. Hanson, I confess. For shoddy, erroneous information, I apologize. To set the record straight, I find that you have four employees, another shop in Sausalito and make many diverse art objects of glass. So purse your lips and blow something beautiful and I’ll keep my eyes on the road when driving by your establishment

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Abner McKenzie has purchased Dr. Hardin’s Don Shasta Pony Farm. Abner currently raises Quarterhorses. I guess it will be Eighthhorses now.

Robert Minch 1929-

Daughter Madalyn is 52, lives alone in El Aye, and loves it. She became a Juvenile Diabetic at age 10…but does not care much for the honor. She had a reprieve of sorts when her younger sister Maralyn gave her a kidney about 20 years ago. Said kidney performed admirably until a couple of years ago when it too began to fail. Whereas a donor was lined up in the form of the lovely Kelly Forward, a small cut on Madalyn’s foot resulted in a staph infection, incurred at USC Hospital in El Aye, while preparing for the transplant. The staph infection persisted for months and months and led to countless delays. Prior to this frustrating time, Madalyn developed Charcot foot which was abetted by the staph infection.  After lengthy discussions by her team of doctors, it was decided that she, in their opinion, would be better off without the foot. When she fully grasped the situation, she decided, why not? She has now been a month without her left foot and recently flew home to visit.

There is no way to make light of this development, although her sisters threatened to nickname her “Peg”. But humor has been a great asset with us as a family, and the missus and I are pleased to report the patient is doing fine and expects to be up and about on her new prosthesis by fall. If readers are inclined to feel sorry for her plight, forget about it. She does not want sympathy…and feels she does not warrant such sentiment. If her cat were to lose a foot, she would feel remorse. With her own loss she has been stoic and practical and staid if she were a ballerina she would adjust to wearing a one one…rather than a tutu.

Let us all laugh and be glad she is with us and now in line for a transplant in the near future. Good show, kid!

J. Harrop, in his regular Saturday column, took the City Council to task for not paying attention to budget deficits and not asking questions of the City Manager. This area used to be my province when I was doing a column in the DN. I called it “Palace Intrigue”, and it was designed to ruffle the feathers of those who chose to sit on the Council for little pay but attractive benefits. On their lofty perch, these birds would cogitate, pontificate and occasionally fall asleep.

It has always been thus. The men and women who populate the Council…and the Board of Supervisors, for that matter, are ordinary and dedicated folks who apparently have a desire to improve the quality of life for their constituents. But, because theirs is not a full time job, they need input from department heads and others…and rely on their city and county managers to deliver them the right information to assist  them in the decision making process. Some managers have limited themselves to just that, while others have overstepped, overreached and run the show unilaterally. They  have often been sent packing for their efforts when those, to whom they serve, awake from their slumbers. But little wake up calls from writers like J. Harrop are certainly helpful from time to time.

I would take up the gauntlet once again and joust with the Council and the Board, but I no longer have my contacts. L. Stevens, Russ Frey and the great Larry Lalaguna Sr. are in their retirement mode. Unfortunate. They could scent a wasteful proposal or irregular conduct a mile away.

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Sightem: Man with old grey dog in Cone & Kimball Plaza. I thought he was just letting his dog water the shrubs but then I saw the two of them walking slowly and carefully reading the captions on the bricks. I was pleased to see them do so. If you have a few minutes when downtown shopping, you might check them out. They fairly well tell the history of our fair city by citing the names of those who have lived and died therein.

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Dear Philips Norelco,

You don’t know me, but I have used your electric cordless razor for more years than I care to remember. I write to you rather than just fill out the Customer Satisfaction Card you thoughtfully included with my purchase in which  you promise me a $20.00 saving. Said saving is triggered if and when I purchase another Philips product which, at my age, is not  likely.

It is not that I do not like your razor; it is that I had quite a fight on my hands just to open the securely plastic wrapped damned thing! I tried scissors, a sharp knife and a hammer. If your product had washed up on a desert island, a castaway would have been pleased to note that no water had permeated the wrapping. I thought for a time I too would have been denied entry, but Yankee know- how prevailed.  But here is a suggestion: As long as your product is hugging a shelf in Wal-Mart, there is little chance of a Tsunami wave engulfing it…so why not make it user friendly right from the git- go by  giving the razor a cellophane wrap like the Easter bunny does his basket of  candy eggs.

But what I really wanted to tell you is that I first went cheap, as is my custom these recessionary days, and purchased a corded razor. My reasoning was that, with an electrical outlet nearby, I could just plug it in…and with its flexible cord, stretch it to my face and shave. But when I did so, the cord detached from the razor. I tried to replace it more securely, but each time, it detached and I was shaving with a gun without bullets if you catch my metaphor. Frustrated, I returned to the good folks at Wal-Mart with my razor and totally shredded container plastic box. I told them at the return counter of my experience and said I wanted to leave it with them and upgrade to a cordless model. They said, poor baby, and asked for my receipt. I fetched one from my bag, but when they examined it closely they could see that the receipt was from Target for a pair of women’s bloomers or something. However, by showing my identification they took my money and allowed the exchange and all was right with the world.

Sincerely R. Minch, Esq.

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Last week’s quiz was promptly answered by J. Angelo, who discovered  that “Immy ” was the original spelling of the “Emmy” award, named for the image orthicon tube used in early television cameras, and that one Humperdinck  was the composer of Hansel & Gretel music, and the other was a pop star whose real name is Arnold George Dorsey.

This week’s quiz: Who came up with the idea for  the “Blue BooK” in which automobile prices are compared…and what other “BlueBook” did he create? Who occupies the top floor of the Masonic Bldg on Main Street…and what did the Masons donate to the Cone & Kimball Tower?

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A woman reported a break- in on Bowman Road to the police. Nothing was missing, but she became aware of the break-in when she discovered that her dog was in her house and her cat was out. She said it was the opposite when she left her residence. I believe there is a simple explanation for this mystery. Her dog learned how to open her front door and went inside to escape the heat. When he discovered the cat was going to tell on him, he kicked the cat out. Case closed.

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At the end of the day, a Police Sergeant  parked his van in front of the police station. A little kid was standing nearby and heard the Sergeant’s K-9 partner barking in the rear of the van. He asked, “Do you have a dog in your van?

“Indeed I do,” replied the Sergeant.

“What did he do?, asked the kid.

(To reply to the website: rminchandmurray @hotmai).

The Vestal story, Part Two

The land grading now in progress along the south side of Antelope Blvd reminds old timers of the Vestal clan and their vast holdings in Tehama County.

George W. Vestal was born in Missouri in 1846, came across the plains to California with his parents in 1857 and located in Tehama County. George became a prosperous Red Bluff business man and operated a meat market on the 600 block of Main (later On Walnut and Washington) as well as a slaughter house west of town. Articles of Incorporation of the George Vestal Company were filed in 1904 which read “The purpose of which is to conduct the butchering of cattle, sheep, hogs, horses, poultry etc. and to buy and sell real estate”.  George was also a large property owner in the county with one parcel of 1,700 acres extending from Antelope Blvd south to the river. This property was sold in the 1990’s.

George was elected Sheriff in 1889 and became a county Supervisor in 1902. The Red Bluff Daily News of 18 September 1904 reported, “Mr. Vestal, Chairman of the Board, has always aimed to do the fair and square thing by all men and has endeavored to give every matter brought before the board the impartial attention it deserves.” He married Clara Gist, daughter of California pioneers, and they had one daughter and two sons, Elmer and Rolla. George died in 1918, the same year as the Minch Family arrived in California. In the 1930’s,  Dave Minch became a friendly meat market and slaughter plant competitor with George’s son Rolla.

Rolla was born in the Red Bank area in 1877, married Mabel Linderman in 1908 and died in 1952 age 75. They had 3 sons; Raymond, Dareld and Robert, and one daughter Elizabeth. In his memory, Superior Court Judge Curtiss E. Wetter adjoined the morning’s court service September 3, 1952 by saying, “The passing of Mr. Vestal is a loss to our county and our area of the State.”

(The majority of the above information is courtesy of the Tehama County Libaray and Scott Sherman, keeper of the flame)